To a special him:
Whole thing will just like, turning black and white colour, or maybe just blank, when everytime I see you. No manner at where, maybe just a few of your pictures, or maybe just accidently see you on the street. Everytime I just feel like running away like a coward or pretend didn't see you at all. Yeah I admit that I'm afraid of..I'm afraid of..you? I'm afraid of coldness coming out from your eyes. Yeah I'm afraid of that, seriously. 'cause you're different than other, I have different feeling on you, comparing to others. The feeling which can make me smile whole day, like a bird flying around, and also can make me down, just like falling into a deep, big hole.
You're so special to me and I really really donno why. I just, so damn care about you and it's like killing me, everytime when I saw you with other girls walking on the street, although I know that they're just your friends. But still. I always laugh at myself, "What can you do if you find out he and his beloved walking on the street, hand with hand?" Yeah, I can't do anything, I'm just a little passer, or maybe just can say a, hi, to you and wish you happy with her, and then walk pass you with face full of tears, and still hoping you will turn back to see me. It's funny, and it's breaking my heart too.
I have many many things haven't tell you and I don't want you to miss it, but maybe I won't able to see you anymore. So this special post is special for you, write about all the things that I don't want you to miss. Maybe you'll never find this post, or maybe you'll accidently click in my blog and see this. But I don't mind anymore if you'll see or not, I just wanna show out the feeling I have on you and full stop it at the end. So here we go.
Form 1, 2005, the year I knew you and so damn hate you at that time. I'm still a little girl at that time and still love to bullshit-ing. The first day I become a secondary student, step into the classroom and just saw you smiling at me. Yeah, another everyone-I-only-see-you-scene. It's kind of weird. You help me a lot and I still have a bit bu shuan you. LOL, so kiddy right. But one day you came near me with the smile I love the most and said, you have some different feeling about me. Like a stone, I just reply you a "huh?" and saw you just smile and walked away...and since that, I started to run away from you, as far as I can...
Form 2, Form 3 and then high school. I did know that since that day, I also have the same different feeling as you. But you're gone. We're from different school, and different life, just like 2 aeroplane never will meet each other at the sky or else it's become a mischance. I'll always compare other boy with you, especially the smile.
Well, actually I found a boy which has the similiar smile like you and has a little crush on him. He's nice, sweet, and I like to see him smile. And yeah, he's also is a Pieces boy, same as you. After knowing him, my life really feel more brighter than before, thank to him, and Elmira. Thanks to this two special people, make me brave and support me all the time.
During high school, I saw you, and your smile, the smile I miss a lot these years. And yeah, xin had seen me giggling like an idiot whole afternoon during tuition time. I can't stop smiling and thinking of you. Yeah, you know awful is that when I'm staying inside my imagination world. You will see me laugh like an idiot, and blushing for nothing. If getting more seriously, I may rolling myself on the floor and keep giving off some strange sound. See, you the only one who can make me gone madness like this. My heart was fully filled by you. What an idiot.
Since the last time we met, every Saturday and Sunday, you'll appear from an unknown place, just like a you had done a magic trick, a "boom!" sound then you'll appear in front of me. And me..started to skip the tuition, running away again. I have told myself thousand times, you're not coming for me. And I have a fight, yeah BIG fight with my parent, and started using alcohol to hocus myself. I drunk I cried, alone in my room, just one night of November. It's the most depress night in my life. I'm sat on my bathroom floor, roll up and just let the tears dropping itself. It's also the coldest night ever. Since the fight with my family, until now I seldom talk to them. They think they know me, especially my mom, after been scolded by my father, she just realise her temper on me, of course I'll fuck back her. Ignore the F word LOL.
Tell you, I have 4 "wifes" besides me, haha. Elmira, eexin, eunice, and natalie. Thank god I have them. But will you be mine also..? Nah, I shoudn't ask this question 'cause you already have another her. And this news make me sleepless for two nights and cried for two days. Finally the day has came, just like, the chinese song 全世界都停电 by Tank. Tasting of broken heart.
Whole thing will just like, turning black and white colour, or maybe just blank, when everytime I see you. No manner at where, maybe just a few of your pictures, or maybe just accidently see you on the street. Everytime I just feel like running away like a coward or pretend didn't see you at all. Yeah I admit that I'm afraid of..I'm afraid of..you? I'm afraid of coldness coming out from your eyes. Yeah I'm afraid of that, seriously. 'cause you're different than other, I have different feeling on you, comparing to others. The feeling which can make me smile whole day, like a bird flying around, and also can make me down, just like falling into a deep, big hole.
You're so special to me and I really really donno why. I just, so damn care about you and it's like killing me, everytime when I saw you with other girls walking on the street, although I know that they're just your friends. But still. I always laugh at myself, "What can you do if you find out he and his beloved walking on the street, hand with hand?" Yeah, I can't do anything, I'm just a little passer, or maybe just can say a, hi, to you and wish you happy with her, and then walk pass you with face full of tears, and still hoping you will turn back to see me. It's funny, and it's breaking my heart too.
I have many many things haven't tell you and I don't want you to miss it, but maybe I won't able to see you anymore. So this special post is special for you, write about all the things that I don't want you to miss. Maybe you'll never find this post, or maybe you'll accidently click in my blog and see this. But I don't mind anymore if you'll see or not, I just wanna show out the feeling I have on you and full stop it at the end. So here we go.
Form 1, 2005, the year I knew you and so damn hate you at that time. I'm still a little girl at that time and still love to bullshit-ing. The first day I become a secondary student, step into the classroom and just saw you smiling at me. Yeah, another everyone-I-only-see-you-scene. It's kind of weird. You help me a lot and I still have a bit bu shuan you. LOL, so kiddy right. But one day you came near me with the smile I love the most and said, you have some different feeling about me. Like a stone, I just reply you a "huh?" and saw you just smile and walked away...and since that, I started to run away from you, as far as I can...
Form 2, Form 3 and then high school. I did know that since that day, I also have the same different feeling as you. But you're gone. We're from different school, and different life, just like 2 aeroplane never will meet each other at the sky or else it's become a mischance. I'll always compare other boy with you, especially the smile.
Well, actually I found a boy which has the similiar smile like you and has a little crush on him. He's nice, sweet, and I like to see him smile. And yeah, he's also is a Pieces boy, same as you. After knowing him, my life really feel more brighter than before, thank to him, and Elmira. Thanks to this two special people, make me brave and support me all the time.
During high school, I saw you, and your smile, the smile I miss a lot these years. And yeah, xin had seen me giggling like an idiot whole afternoon during tuition time. I can't stop smiling and thinking of you. Yeah, you know awful is that when I'm staying inside my imagination world. You will see me laugh like an idiot, and blushing for nothing. If getting more seriously, I may rolling myself on the floor and keep giving off some strange sound. See, you the only one who can make me gone madness like this. My heart was fully filled by you. What an idiot.
Since the last time we met, every Saturday and Sunday, you'll appear from an unknown place, just like a you had done a magic trick, a "boom!" sound then you'll appear in front of me. And me..started to skip the tuition, running away again. I have told myself thousand times, you're not coming for me. And I have a fight, yeah BIG fight with my parent, and started using alcohol to hocus myself. I drunk I cried, alone in my room, just one night of November. It's the most depress night in my life. I'm sat on my bathroom floor, roll up and just let the tears dropping itself. It's also the coldest night ever. Since the fight with my family, until now I seldom talk to them. They think they know me, especially my mom, after been scolded by my father, she just realise her temper on me, of course I'll fuck back her. Ignore the F word LOL.
Tell you, I have 4 "wifes" besides me, haha. Elmira, eexin, eunice, and natalie. Thank god I have them. But will you be mine also..? Nah, I shoudn't ask this question 'cause you already have another her. And this news make me sleepless for two nights and cried for two days. Finally the day has came, just like, the chinese song 全世界都停电 by Tank. Tasting of broken heart.
全世界都停了电 全世界都封了街
我所有窗子外面 被贴上黑夜
我呐喊思念却没人听见
绝望到极点剩的是疲倦
全世界都停了电 全世界白雪满天
才发觉在我心间 有回忆碎片
一作梦翻身 就刺痛流血
我卷着身体缩成一个圈
像一个句点
Tired and tear are left after we love. and I'm happy for you too. Really :)
Many people asked me, if I so damnit in love with you, why don't I just tell you my feeling. If I could, I would. But problem is, I don't have any confidence. I have serious inferiority, just look at me, just a word to describe me, UGLY! and I had been hurt by many people, although I know it's just a joke. But, what can I do? I can just fake a smile. But to say that I love you, I think it will be a shame to you.
Like a star, it's just better to see than own it. Just like you. It will be better for me if I can just put you in my heart, secretly. People said, another way to cherish a person is, just don't own it. So that it will never lost and stand last forever. And I'm using this way to love you. No to own you, but set you free. How long can my forever last? After I die, that will be the end of my forever. That's the forever I can give you.
These's all I want to tell you about. So, at the end, lets put the FULL STOP here, and bury these memories, and you into my deep heart. I still love you, no manner what I will still loving you. But no that strong again, and soon the love will turn into loved. You'll just become a memories, a part of my favor memories. So, the last letter for you, my beloved sim poh lim.
I love you x100
until die still loving you. Always loving you. Forever will be loving you.
I loved you, spl..
R.I.P nicole's 4-year-love.
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